Chapter 2:

Chapter 2:  My Bedroom Ceiling Hasn’t Changed in the Past Five Years

So girls,  how are you doing at “working on your sex life”?   Are you in a routine or are you trying with all your heart?  Make sure you read Chapter 2:   I"m not just repeating the book for you.  She has a lot of good info:

1 Corth 10:31:  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 

Your relationship with your Husband, just like the relationship with God takes work.   So lets start with your priority list:

1. God
2. Husband
3: Kids

The above is the correct order.  Is this what your looks like or does your look more like this?

1.  Kids
2.  Laundry
3.  Dishes
4.  House
5.  Survival


Sometimes our Husband's, just like God, don’t make even our top 5 or our even our top 10.   This is where the trouble starts.   


Let’s start with number 1:  God

2 Corinthians 11:2  I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. 

What this means if he is not number 1 everything else will be chaos.  He wants you to have him in the number one spot.  He loves you and he will fight for you.  You can refuse God and refuse to love him back. The big question is?  So, If you died tonight to you honestly believe you would go to heaven?   

 The bible says you can be sure of your salvation

1 John 5:13  I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 

What things is he talking about?  Look back in the chapter, and look back through the whole of the bible.  You can’t take part of the bible and leave other parts.  The whole Bible agrees with itself.   See Bible Plan of Salvation, under READ FIRST.

Ecclesiastes 4:11-12 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

If God is in your marriage and you have made a covenant (everlasting agreement) with him he will help you with your marriage.   You do have to do your part that being the pray about it and work part.  


Ok now what about number 2?   Your Husband.  What is he being replaced by?


1.  Kids
2.  Housework
3.  Social events
4.  Busy work
5.  Job
6.  Sleep

1 Corth 7: 3-5: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

These were tough verses for me when I was knee deep in caring for my kids.   How was I going to manage to give all day long to my kids and still have enough energy and motivation for my husband at night.  


So I started working on the first problem Energy.   What zaps your energy?


1.  Lack of sleep   
2.  Housework
3.  Social outings
4.  Lack of exercise


This is just my list.   What is on your list?  


Fixing my problems:  
1.  Sleep: How many hours of sleep do I get?   If it is less than 8 you too my friend have a problem.   I used to spend my nights staying up late because that was the only time my kids were asleep.   I also would refuse to take the advice, “if the child is sleeping sleep too.  I begin to actually take naps.   Not the 2 hour naps that make you feel horrible but the 15 minute naps (I had to set a timer for 20 min because it took me 5 minutes to settle down).   Where are my kids at this time?  Taking there own naps.   You may have to give up something like face book or tv to get your sleep. 
2.  Housework:   Well the advice your mom used to give you still rings true.   When you make the mess clean it up and you will not have as much of a mess.   I liked to wait and do my laundry once a week.  Seeing as I have 4 kids that is about 12 loads of laundry in one day.  Now, not only did I not fold it all immediately I waited until all the clean clothes were piled up to the ceiling and were falling out of the baskets waiting to be folded.   Another thing about housework is it repeats itself on a daily basis so I got tired of doing it everyday.   One thing that worked for me was to ask my husband what is the most important chore that you notice if it is not done.   His response dishes and a clean kitchen.  So I make this my primary focus.   Telling him that you are trying to add a nap time in and can’t do all the chores and get ready for sex helps too.   
3.  Social outings:  I like to stay busy and like my kids to stay busy too. So I find that if I spend all 5 days out a week.  I get absolutely nothing done and no nap.  So I had to schedule down days.   I schedule 2 in to work on the house and be lazy at home.   
4.   Lack of exercise:  Here’s the fast hard truth.  It really does add energy and does help with motivation, which we will get too.   After not doing any real exercise during 4 pregnancy’s I was completely out of shape.  All I wanted to do was lay on the couch or sit at the computer.  I was tired all the time.   So I found a gym with free childcare and went to work.   The cost of the gym was less than buying one meal out for the family so I sacrificed that one meal to have 2-3 days a week childless for a maximum of 2 hours.   So there you go that is my real motivation for going to the gym.   


So what contributes to your lack of motivation?


1.  Your body?
2.  Don’t really want too?
3.  Don’t’ feel sexy ?
4.  Damaged relationship with husband?
       
I can honestly say that I had all the above.   


Fixing my Motivation:  
1. My Body:  I used the gym to help me with the body aspect.  I also had to remind myself that after four kids some things will never be the same.  

Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 

I really had to mourn that loss.   It took a while.
2. Want too?  I had to decide if I was going to work on my marriage.  I had to want too.   Chances are if you are reading this blog you care about your marriage and you want too.  
3.  Me Sexy? I was scared to be the woman the way God created me to be.   Certain aspects of my past made me feel that being a woman was weak and that all men wanted was sex.   That I could never really be loved.   So I made a wall to protect my heart.  I would refuse to look sexy.   I refused to look female.  I dressed in baggy clothes.   I didn’t wear make up.   I was all ways the tom boy.   Now I’m not saying that being a woman means you can’t lift heavy loads I’m just saying I used it as a wall.   I finally began to understand what being a woman was really like when I got a book.   It pointed me too God’s plan for woman.  The Title:  Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul.   It's under my favorites:   
4.  Damaged relationship? How do you make a relationship work?   The answer  Time.  That was exactly what my relationship was lacking.  My husband had been traveling extensively so when he came home my heart was not with him.   So how do you fix it.  Spend time with your husband.   With children I admit it is hard to get away and really spend time with your husband but date nights are a must.   Time alone with the two of you is a must.   Another book on how to mend things:  “The Love Dare”.   Make the first move your marriage is worth it.  


Homework:   Your lists?   What things prevent you from having sex?   Energy and Motivation?    We will look at some more things to help later on.

Memory Verse: Proverbs 31:30

Going further:  Talk about these with your husband and see if he has any suggestions for you?