Chapter 9 and 10

I'm doing the discussion of these last two chapters a little different.   You will need to read the chapters, and they are totally worth the read.

Chapter 9:

If you read romance novels, enjoy watching Victoria secret commercials, watch porn, role play or pretend your spouse is someone else during sex, chapter 9 is definitely for you.  

Porn whether it be soft or hard has devastating  effects on your marriage.   Please read this chapter whether or not you think you have a problem in this area.

Chapter 10: 
This chapter is the Love chapter that will call you to account.  It's also a great review.

You and your husband have different needs:  "Love is not self-seeking"  Do you seek your fulfillment first?  

His sex drive is different that yours:   "Love is not easily angered and does not boast" Do you get mad because he wants sex more frequent than you or even less frequent than you? 

Some times you are just to tired:  "Love always perseveres.  Do you use all your energy doing other things?  Do you need to give up some busy work or revive your energy?   

Sometimes children can get in the way:  " Love is patient"  Are you patient?   Do little things or children take all your time?  

Sometimes it's boring:  " Love always hopes and is not rude"  Do you try your hardest to please your spouse or are you somewhere else?  

The past comes up again:   "Love rejoices with the truth and always protects.  Love does not keep a  record of wrong."  Have you set up fences to protect your marriage?   Does your past contribute to your pleasure with your husband or wife?

You don't feel sexy:   "Love is kind and not proud.  Love never fails."  Does what you look like or what you don't look like interfere with your ability to have sex or enjoy sex?  

Pornography is in your marriage:  "Love does not delight in evil and does not keep a record of wrongs."  Do you delight in evil?  Did you forgive your spouse or are you continuing to call him/her to account?  ______________________________________________

Homework:   What do you need to work on in your marriage?   Make a list, re-read that chapter.  Make an action plan.   Get to work.

Memory verses: 

1 Corth. 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Going further:  

Talk to your spouse about your issues above, ask for suggestions?

Chapter 8

Chapter 8: I can't Compete with That

This chapter is all about Body Image, yours and his. How you view yourself and him has a tremendous impact on your sex life.

My struggle with a low body image came in my teenage years. I started the compare game. I noticed someones hair that was prettier than mine or someones figure that was more what I wanted. It didn't help for someone to point out the changes in my abdomen (your flat before puberty hits, never again). I found myself trying to fit in and wear the right clothes, makeup and looking at magazines I never looked at before all to make myself be someone I was not. I was not happy with the way I was.

It took on another level as I went to college and gained the “Freshman 20” that's 20 lbs for those of you not familiar. My activity level dropped for physical sports as the nights of studying increased. I developed a huge fear of getting fat. I ate nothing and by body paid the price, low blood sugar, passing out, freezing most of the time.

Then, I had 2 children of which came along at the time of my “great depression”. I felt ugly, depressed and I didn't make any effort to get out of the depression. You would find me lonely, in pj's for most of the day and my basic hygiene was poor. I didn't do anything to get my husbands attention because this was the time we were the furthest apart, physically and emotionally. He traveled most of the time and I hated it. It had a huge impact on our sex life.

My husband accepted a new job so we moved to California. We reconnected and I found myself not only taking care of my hygiene needs but again wanting to be the sparkle in his eye. I finally started to accept the image that was me and that I didn't have to be like everyone else. I needed to be my unique own person. We had our third child and I was ok with how I looked. I felt sexy. I had turned off the tv and been hanging out with other moms. I was comfortable in who I was.

We moved again and I had another child. I gained a lot of weight and was really not healthy. I couldn't jump in the air, I couldn't run with my kids and I had no energy. My motivation was really to get healthy. I lost 35 lbs and my mind motivation changed again. I was no longer happy with my stomach that looked like a bag and I set out to find a way to change it. I no longer accepted the compliments from my husband saying I looked just as good as when we got married. I started the compare game again. This is where I was when I looked at this chapter.

If you are where I am, you know this chapter hit's way close to home.

This chapter reminded me where my heart motivation should be. It reminded me that my body would just get worse. It reminded me that the only beauty that lasts is beauty God intended.

1 Peter 3:3-6 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Did you catch that?   A gentle, quite and submissive spirit is the only beauty that lasts.  It also points us to the root of the problem with body image.

You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

That's right, it's fear.

1. Fear of not being perfect
2. Fear of not being pretty enough
3. Fear of our husbands looking at someone else
4. Fear of not being accepted
5. Fear of what others think
6. Fear of not having a voice or the last word
7. Fear of someone not listening
8. Fear of someone else being happy when we are not.
9. Fear
10. Fear

Fear is the opposite of Trust.

Do you trust God enough?

Do you trust your husband enough?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Homework: Identify your fears

Memory verse:

1 Peter 3: 3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Going further: Talk to your husband about your fears and let him talk about his.