Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Is “Sexy Mom” an Oxymoron?

I wasn't sure what to teach on this chapter besides what was in the book so the fact I had an extra week to think, pray and meditate was a good thing.

So lets talk about being a mom. Are you a mom or a mom only? The reason I ask this is it is really easy to fall into the I can't be a wife, friend, sister or any other role when you take on the role as mom.

Remember we talked about priority earlier.

1. God
2. Husband
3. Children

I want to address a couple of things that keep us from venturing into any other role besides mom. In addressing them, I want to make my intent clear. My intent is to give you tools to use to help keep your priority's in check. I do not intent to bash any mother or compare any mom to another mom or myself. I will not sugar coat any information that is in the Bible for fear of offending someone.

Fear

Every mom has fears or worries or what if's?

Let me share with you a lesson I learned. 

When my oldest Joshua arrived at 35 weeks all though small he seemed fine, nursed fine, slept fine and did all his pee's and poo's fine. We took him home snd the first night went well. The second day he just could not figure out how to nurse again he got more and more frustrated and just could not eat. I took him the the pediatrician and he reassured me that he was fine but he said if I was really concerned that I could take him to the ER. We went to the ER and they took his temperature it was getting lower and lower. He also was having a hard time staying awake and would not nurse so because of this temperature being low they were concerned of infection so they prepared him for a spinal tap. The nurse picked him up and he stopped breathing. Before I could react they had a code cart going at him. I was in shock but I remember falling to my knees and praying through the Spirit to God for my son. It was then that I realized he was not MY son. He was the Lord's kid, who was in trusted to me. A blessing from God.

He recovered but was in the NICU for a week and we came home on Saturday. I remember people telling me at church the next morning. “Why did you bring him here instead of staying at home.” My reason was that I knew the only reason my child was alive was entirely God's plan and I wanted to sing his praise out loud with my church family.

My speaking minister always gives out a frog to new parents to remind us Fully Reliant on God. As a mom we have to be.

The opposite of Fear is really Trust.

Trust comes by knowing God, and knowing he is out for your good. You get to know God by reading his word.

Matthew 18:10 "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.

Did you know that? I didn't find this verse until I needed it, right after the Joshua came home with a heart monitor, he had Apnea of Prematurity, which meant he could stop breathing at anytime and the monitor would stun him awake if not we would have to do CPR.

Acts: 17:26-27 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

So what if he had died? Would it have been from the fault of a pediatrician who did not take his mom seriously? Would it have been from me not realizing something was wrong? Would it have been fault of the ER doctors for not taking a correct temperature?

From the verse above it reminds us who is in control. It remind us that nothing happens outside of Gods hands. He allows thing to happen to us for our own good.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

If he died should I feel guilty?

I John 4:16-19 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.

What this means is because we know that God loves us we can accept that everything that happens from this life is allowed by him and that it will be for our good. It also means that when something tragic happens it is not just punishment for our behavior or actions. It is something to grow us for our good and/or for someone else's good.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So loosen your hold on your children, take a night out or a long weekend for your spouse. Know that God is in control and nothing happens outside of his hands. He/she also has an angel there that continually sees God's face. Realize you really HAVE NO CONTROL of what happens to your child.

Lack of Discipline

Sometimes we forget with our kids who is supposed to be in charge. Is it honor your father and mother or honor your children?

Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

This takes us back to priorities again does your child take that second place because he demands all your time and attention. Can you not have a date night because your child will not behave for a sitter or that your afraid the house will blow up.

The Bible does not leave us to fend for ourself or to opinions of “helpful strangers”.

How does God discipline us?

Hebrews 12:5-13 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

1. God tells us his rules up front and expects us to obey immediately.

John 14:23 Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

2. God punishes disobedience.

James 1:15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Do you punish disobedience? Do you set rules and expect them to be obeyed? If you make rules and do not follow through they really are not rules just suggestions.

1. 
   
   Set rules for behavior
2. 
   
   punish disobedience
   
   
   What type of punishment should you use? If you look at God's punishment it says No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.

It has to hurt to cause them to cause them to not to want to do it again.

Spankings: Physically hurt

Time out: Emotionally hurt

Loss of privileges or things: Emotionally hurt.

Spankings: I wanna speak specifically on Spanking for a bit. A child should never be disciplined physically to the extent it causes actual physical damage. Spankings should only be administered by a calm adult. If you are out of control use the time out to get your composure. A spanking in anger WILL go to far. It should hurt but should not leave a bruise.

Spankings are used for defiance/disobedience only. Not for something you haven't made a rule for yet or innocent misbehavior or discovery mess.

Q. At what age should you spank?

A. When the disobedience starts. You may say to your 15 month hold still while I change your diaper or you will get a spanking. They continue to squirm give a little pat on their bottom. Your child goes to touch something you tell her no no, they touch it anyway you pat there hand. You can spank early with light pats, it more your tone that will communicate what they need so make sure it's a I mean business tone. Continue to follow though. You may have to do it a few times before they get it and don't expect them to remember it right away. You must always remind children younger than 3 of the behavior and consequence before you can follow through. They just don't have the memory to remember between one incidence and another but they will start remembering the word spanking.

3-4 years of age I also remind, but age 5 and 6 can remember rules and consequences.

Q. How old is too old for spankings?

A. Depends on maturity Once they start 1^st grade you should have picked up on another currency to use with them. Bike time, silly bands, privileges. Then you can start getting rid of spankings. 5 and 6 year olds are also good at coming up with rules and consequences so you can enlist there help, make sure they know that the consequences have to be something they don't like.  If you spank them early you will not have to do as much spanking at 4 or 5.  

Spankings are Biblical and they are used for disobedience and defiance.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

I use a wooden spoon for a rod but I only use it 3 years and up. Before then my hand does enough. But when they start laughing or don't seem to be bothered it tells you your spanking was worthless it didn't hurt enough or at all. That is when I switched to a spoon.

Here is what I have used for a behavior consequence chart. This is just an idea not your set of rules. You can modify this for your family or situation. I also know there are cases such as with foster children that spankings are not allowed so you have to get a little more creative to teach them the rules of behavior.

Rules of Behavior and Consequence Chart

Notice I didn't have anything on there about sitting still. There are some things frigidity kids cannot do for long periods of time, especially when they get bored.

How you discipline your children will have an effect on there future.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

What this means is you train them in the fear of the Lord and to respect and fear you they will remember the teaching forever. They will eventually know where they fall short of your expectation and will strive to become more self controlled. 

Want to see what happens when there is no discipline?

1 Samuel 2:22-25 Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. So he said to them, "Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the LORD's people. f a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?" His sons, however, did not listen to their father's rebuke, for it was the LORD's will to put them to death.

Yes, you will hear about it and be ashamed. You will give them counsel and they will not listen. Then they will get the consequences there actions have earned.

My worst nightmare is that my children will not turn to God so I spend a lot of effort to make sure they know God and know God's word. Do you have a plan to teach your kids about God. Sunday school only will not cut it. You must live it by word, action and by your attitude. The fear of the Lord is the most important thing you will teach your child, do not neglect it.

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Put being a mom in a the correct place in your priority list not above being wife and certainly not above God.

Homework:

1. List your fears as a mom
2. Ask God to show you new ways to trust him with each of those fears.

Memory verse: 

Matthew 18:10 "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.

Going Further: Set down and make a Behavior and Consequence chart with your husband. Ask him how you put your children above him in the priority list and set ways to fix that.